maniacalv

My disdain for over large vehicles and my firm belief in their owner’s lack of mental capacity isn’t a secret. There are some people who could generally profit from owning an SUV. Most owners, on the other hand, want large, flashy billboards that cry out “Look at me! I am important and wealthy and have a large penis!” even if they are women, which scares me.
If you have an eight child family and an hour commute, you might need an SUV.
If your job requires you to tote three hundred-odd pounds of scientific testing apparatus into the swampy heart of a peat bog to study the intricate mating rituals of the Great Crested Newt, you might need an SUV.
If you are a balding, middle aged ass-bag who’s toting nothing but a set of golf clubs, a laptop stolen from your last job and your wedding ring (in a cup holder next to some Binaca and a condom) to the local coffee shop to pretend you’re day-trade while sipping your whipped-creamy mocha and casually stalking the hot, pink haired barista with the tongue ring who’s two decades younger than you, you most definitely do not need an SUV.